How to Find a Pen Pal as an Adult (and Keep It Safe)
The easiest way to find a pen pal as an adult is to join a pen pal site or app that matches people by interests, such as Postcrossing, Slowly, PenPal or the r/penpals community on Reddit. Start with one that keeps your home address hidden, and swap postal addresses only after a few letters, once you trust the person.
I’ve been writing to the same pen pal for years. We met at a summer camp, and on the first day we noticed we’d both brought pretty, unused letter paper, so we swapped a few sheets. She lives in the US now, and I write to her about twice a year. I tell her about the English weather and whatever my cat has been up to, and she writes back about her kids and her orchid. Nothing in those letters is big news, and I still love writing them.
If you’d like a friendship like that, here’s where to look and how to keep yourself safe along the way.
Where can adults find a pen pal?
Most adults find a pen pal online first and move to paper later. These are the places I’d try.
Postcrossing
Postcrossing is a free site for swapping real postcards with strangers around the world. You request an address, the site picks a random member for you to write to, and you get a Postcard ID to write on the card. Once your card arrives and is registered, another random member receives your address and posts a card to you. It’s perfect if you love surprises in your letterbox. It’s more about postcards than one long friendship, though some members do start writing letters to each other.
Slowly
Slowly is an app for typed letters that arrive with a delay, anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days depending on how far apart you live. You use a nickname and an avatar instead of a photo, and the app matches you with people by interests and languages. Letters are free, with optional paid extras. If you feel nervous, this is a lovely first step: you get the waiting and the long letters without sharing anything about where you live. Plenty of people move to paper once they know each other.
PenPal (penpal.me)
PenPal matches you with people by interests, age and language. You write a postcard online, add your own photo if you like, and the company prints it and posts it for you. Neither of you ever sees the other’s home address. Signing up is free, and you pay a small fee for each card you send.
Reddit’s r/penpals
r/penpals is a busy community where people post a short intro with their age, where they’re from and whether they want snail mail or email. It’s for adults only (18+). You’ll find lots of people your age there, but you’ll be doing your own safety checks, so read the next sections before you share anything.
Hobby groups and older pen pal sites
A book club or an online group for a hobby you love can lead to a pen pal too, and you’ll have something to write about from the very first letter. InterPals is one of the oldest pen pal sites, but it’s mostly used for chatting and language exchange, and some users say they get flirty messages. If you try it, make it clear in your profile that you’re looking for friendship.
How do you keep your home address private?
The safest start is a platform that never shows your address, like Slowly or PenPal. You can write for weeks before deciding whether you want to go further.
Postcrossing works differently. Your address is shared, but only with the few randomly chosen members who will send you a card, and nobody can look up a particular person’s address on purpose. If you want more privacy, Postcrossing itself suggests using a PO box or a work or school address, and leaving your return address off the cards you send.
In the UK, a Royal Mail PO Box costs a few hundred pounds a year, so for most of us it isn’t worth it for a hobby. A simple rule works just as well: swap postal addresses only after three or four letters or messages, once you have a feel for the person. Anyone who pushes for your address early has told you something useful about themselves.
What should you never share with a new pen pal?
Write about your life as much as you like, and leave out the details that would show someone exactly where to find you. In the first few weeks, I would keep these to myself:
- Your surname. A first name or a nickname is enough.
- Where you work, or your daily routine (which bus you catch, when you go to the gym).
- That you live alone. Talking about your flat and your cat is lovely; mentioning that nobody else lives there can wait until you know someone well.
- Photos that show your street, your house number, your car registration or a well-known landmark nearby.
- Your main social media accounts. A separate email address just for pen pal sites makes it easy to step away if you need to.
- Anything to do with money: bank details, gift cards, ID documents. A genuine pen pal will never ask.
How do you choose the right pen pal?
Read profiles slowly and write to people who seem to care about the same things you do. Someone who loves cats, books or baking will always have something to say back. It’s also fine to start writing to two or three people at once and see which conversations feel easy.
A good pen pal replies to what you wrote, asks you questions and shares small everyday things. They’re happy to go at your pace.
Signs it is time to step away:
- flirting when you’ve said you only want friendship
- asking for photos of you early on
- pushing you to move to WhatsApp, video calls or social media
- a sad story that ends with a request for money
- questions about exactly where you live or when you’re at home
Trust your gut. You don’t owe anyone a reply, and every good platform lets you block and report people.
What do you need to start writing letters?
Very little: writing paper, a pen that doesn’t smudge, envelopes and stamps. Since April 2026, a second class stamp in the UK costs 91p and a first class stamp costs £1.80. Letters abroad cost a few pounds each, so check the Royal Mail price finder before you post one.
Paper is where the fun starts. I used to buy pretty letter paper; these days I make my own and decorate every page. A decorated sheet tells the person on the other end that you sat down and took your time. If you’d like to try making something yourself, my post on how to start a creative hobby when you think you’re bad at everything has a few cheap ideas to begin with.
You don’t need a desk, either. Writing a letter in a café is a cheap way to get out of the flat for an hour, and it would sit happily on my list of 21 solo date ideas that cost little or nothing.
How often should you write to a pen pal?
There’s no rule. Some pen pals write every week, others every few months. My friend and I write about twice a year, and it works because neither of us expects more. Agree on a rough pace early on, and if life gets busy, a short note saying so is kinder than silence.
Letters also sit nicely next to other ways of staying in touch. If phone calls are the harder part for you, I wrote about making calls to family easier when you live alone.
What if your pen pal stops writing back?
This is the part I’d worry about most, and it does happen. People get busy, move house or simply drift, and sometimes a letter gets lost in the post. A few things help:
- Wait longer than feels natural. International post can take a couple of weeks each way.
- After two or three months, send one short, friendly note. No guilt, just “thinking of you, write when you can”.
- If there is still nothing, let it go without taking it personally. Most of the time it has to do with what is going on in their life.
- Keep writing to someone else. That is one more reason to start with two or three pen pals.
A few questions
Do people still have pen pals in 2026?
Yes. Communities like r/penpals get new posts every day, and many of the people posting there are in their twenties. Apps such as Slowly are built entirely around letter writing.
Can I have a pen pal without giving my address?
Yes. Slowly keeps everything inside the app, and PenPal prints and posts real postcards without either of you seeing the other’s address.
Is it safe to have a pen pal as an adult?
It is generally safe if you start on a platform that hides your address, keep personal details back at first and stop writing to anyone who makes you uneasy.
How much does it cost to have a pen pal?
The sites and apps are free to join. Your main cost is stamps, or a small fee per card on PenPal.
Having a pen pal is a small, slow thing: a few pages every so often and something to look forward to on the doormat. If you’re building a slower routine, a letter now and then fits right in with the small changes in my slow living for beginners guide.
If you like slow, handmade habits like this one, Join the newsletter and you’ll get access to my free printables library.
With warmth,
Zeny
